What Takes To Build Self-Confidence If You Want To Win In Your Life?

Do you ever feel shitty about yourself? Have you ever gone through the bad phases in your life?

Take a sigh of relief because you are not alone. Everyone sucks too. These feelings are just temporary for a fleeting moment. Deep down, most of us also know that it's 99% don't matter to us. Overthinking can kill your peace and productivity thoroughly.

Not everything is real in the AI world. So, who cares?

Credit Gif by Spini

In 21st-century trends, everyone building billion-dollar businesses, becoming YouTube stars, or making it big on Instagram. Those who wishing money and fame will distract ct anyway, no matter how they tried. The reality is hard work, process, persistence, and belief in one person change allow you to get more.

How confident you are?

Are you confident to beat the procrastination, face the challenges, deal with different minds of people and don't care about all of them because you are busy pursuing your dream?

Are you confident to be real and stay grounded?

Do you see?

Self-confidence is important if you want to win in life — no matter what you’re after, a lack of confidence will always hold you back.

Research even shows that a lack of self-confidence is associated with:

Depression
loneliness and feeling left out
Lower academic achievement
Lower life satisfaction

I’ve researched self-confidence for years, and the most practical theory that I’ve found is something called ‘confidence by competence.’

In 1952, Bernice Milburn Moore published an article called Self-Confidence For Competence in the Journal of Educational Leadership. In the article, she discusses self-confidence for teachers, but I’ve found it useful in all settings of life. If you look up the definition of self-confidence, you always get more or less the same description. Moore describes it as “a trust in self, a faith in one’s ability to be able to meet situations as they may arise.”

But more importantly, she says:

“Self-confidence without competence is of as little use as is competence without self-confidence.”

That analogy goes both ways. Just confidence in yourself, without competence, is also useless — talking the talk is not a sustainable strategy.

You need the talk and bravado, but you also need to develop the skills to back up your talk.

So you become more self-confident if you become better at what you do. That’s the system, and it’s backed by research. How can you use this information? The following process is easy—but completing the steps takes hard work.

It goes like this:

Improve your competencies
Put them into practice
Self-talk
Grow more confident
Repeat

That’s the process.

Building self-confidence is based on real, tangible steps, and not intangible stuff like affirmations. Confidence doesn’t appear magically by itself.

You can tell yourself every day that you’re confident, lucky to be alive, or whatever — but if you lack the skills to get shit done, you’ll never truly believe in yourself.

And that’s my biggest issue with a lot of self-help theories and writers. Yes, affirmations, positive thinking, and goal setting are all great, but it’s NOTHING without execution.

How can you expect to build confidence if you never do anything? It’s impossible.

“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” — Thomas Carlyle

“What competencies should I improve?”

That depends on what you’re after. But there are also some skills that I believe every person can benefit from.

Emotional intelligence — Research shows that humans are inherently social. Without good relationships,
And if you want good relationships, you need emotional intelligence: Understanding other people’s emotions and how to respond to them. This is something you can learn.
Self-awareness — Everyone needs to hear that self-awareness is the only thing that builds self-confidence. If you know yourself better than anything else in the world, you are unbeatable and unstoppable. Write down all your strength and weaknesses, worst and best thoughts; try to understand why you do what you like, etc. You know your potential, courage, and preferences. Now, you can fix anything that has screwed up.
Problem-solving — Our current school system dates from the industrial revolution. We’re trained to become cogs in a wheel. We’re not trained to solve problems in complex situations — instead, we do what we are told. But the world has changed and in the current state, the person that is better at problem-solving will win.